We're Fucking Terrible

ST. MIRREN 3 - 2 ABERDEEN

Another game, another defeat.  This is starting to get pretty fucking depressing, especially when you consider that the latest team of no-hopers to rape us, in a footballing sense, happens to be St. Mirren.  If football teams were animals St. Mirren would be a three legged fucking donkey.  And they beat us. At a canter. Because we're fucking terrible.

Still, at least we might not get relegated. Unless something unforeseen were to happen, such as, say, and for example, the bastards decide to decrease the league to 10 teams, relegating us, St. Mirren and Hamilton Academicals.

On the plus side, the manager seems to be a fairly cheery kinda cunt.  Unless you piss him off, in which case he'll turn into a Tasmanian fucking Devil and chase you around the pitch like a sort of septuagenarian whirlwind, gnashing his teeth and trying to take a bite out of your arse.  Moral of the story, not that I told you a story, is that you fuck with Craig Brown at your own peril.

I wouldn't mind if these defeats were just bad luck, or if every decision was going against us. Unfortunately the truth of the matter is that we've assembled a team so fucking awful that the human brain simply isn't capable of processing just how utterly fucking terrible they are.   If just your basic, standard, run-of-the-mill fucking terrible was, say, the size of a peanut, then the team that has been brought together from the four corners of the British Isles (and sometimes beyond) to comprise the current Aberdeen squad is so fucking terrible that it would be a fucking terrible about a hundred and fifty thousand times larger than the pile of gold Stewart Milne has stashed in his Fort Knoxian fucking basement beneath his 23 bedroom mansion at an undisclosed, secret, Aberdeenshire location.

Don't ask how I came to that figure, because it was the culmination of several nights of intense scrutiny, fueled by wild speculation, randomly assumed notions, and large amounts of imported beer. Just know that the accuracy of that figure cannot be debated.  Largely because I refuse to enter into a debate about it.

So where do we go from here?

I'd like to say onwards and upwards, but I'd be lying like a motherfucker if I did.

Onwards and upwards it is, then.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport2/hi/football/scot_prem/9446460.stm