Night of the Living Shitbags

ABERDEEN 0 - 2 ST. JOHNSTONE

I'll level with you... I fucking LOVE zombie movies.  Fucking LOVE them.  The blank-eyed, shuffling corpses, lurching about the place with no idea that they're dead, just going through the motions of being alive, and maybe upping the ante with the occasional burst of activity when they see some juicy living flesh they can get torn into.

You can see where I'm going with this, I've no doubt.

This Aberdeen team, and I use the term 'team' only in its loosest possible sense, is the footballing equivalent of a Zombie movie. But not a good Zombie movie, oh fuck me, no.  This isn't Dawn of the Dead or 28 Days Later, because those are worth watching.  Lots of action. Lots of stupid fuckers getting ripped to pieces by the brainless hordes of re-animated diners.  No, if this Aberdeen team were a Zombie movie it would be called, AberDeen of the Dead, or, Night of the Living Shitbags.

For 90 minutes nothing would happen, except maybe a couple of them might bump into each other accidentally, or maybe one of them might fall over their own fucking feet and have no idea how to get back up. Then the credits would roll, and you'd be all... "What the fuck?  Nothing happened. Surely something was meant to happen?"

Oh, and maybe, as you get up to leave, one of the Zombies might flip you off or throw you a 'wanker' sign.... just to compound how much you've been cheated by watching 90 minutes of sweet fuck all.

"Hey you!"  The Zombie would shout.  and you would turn around, and the Zombie would be all, "Hahaaaaa.. wwwaaaaaankah!"

How would you feel about that?

Anyway, for 90 minutes this Aberdeen team shuffled around, going through the motions of being footballers... inasmuch as they were wearing football costumes and pretending like they were playing football, sort of, while around 6000 people in the crowd went, "What the fuck's going on?  I thought the football was on now, but instead what we've got is eleven a side shitbaggery. Oy, when does the football start?"

Of course, Craig Brown kept faith with all the cunts who've let him down repeatedly, and who got the previous manager the dunt, as you would.  And why not?  When you've got a team of worthless fuckers who have no intention of trying a leg for the manager, the club or their own fucking self-respect... because they don't have any self-respect.... then what you get is a hiding from the latest in a long line of semi-retarded football teams, this time St. Johnstone.

St. J must have thought all their birthdays had come at once when they lined up and saw this Aberdeen team staring back with their dead, disinterested eyes.

Fortunately the end of the season is just around the corner, and we'll be able to get rid of a few of them... but rest assured, next season we'll be looking at pretty much the same team of undead shitbags, shambling around Pittodrie like one of fucking George Romero's wet dreams.

Fuck them.

Fuck them all.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport2/hi/football/scot_prem/9476489.stm