Aberdeen 0 - 1 St. Mirren
In the last home game of the season the most useless, feckless, clueless, talentless collection of fuckwits, retards, shitbags and anal prolapses the game of football has ever seen assembled into a single 'team' had a chance to at least redeem itself in a very, very minor way.
They had the opportunity, against another team of hopeless dickbags, to apologise to the fans in the only way possible... and that was to play as though the red shirt meant something to them. To go out there and show the fans, and the world, that while this Aberdeen team is the footballing equivalent of the Keystone Cops, they do have a little bit of fight about them. A little bit of self-respect.... fuck it... a little bit of life somewhere deep down in their dead, passionless souls.
And of course, they lost. Again.
Lumbering slowly around the pitch like they'd been out drinking till the early hours, and had only turned up at the stadium because someone promised them more drink, or maybe some charlie for tooting, our special kids made about as much effort to play football as Michael Jackson did to promote Black Identity.
Before a crowd of, I think it must have been about 3, they did their thing once more. That thing where they can't pass, won't run, don't shout, don't shoot... oh, and officially this game made it 190 minutes without a shot on target. I don't mean without a goal... I mean without a fucking single, solitary shot on target... can anybody beat THAT, Mr Roy Castle?
So anyway, yeah, they did that thing again. That thing where they're absolute, unadulterated shoite.
St. Mirren must have known this would be the day they saved themselves from relegation. The day where they came up against the only team in the league... fuck, the only team on the planet... where they could be guaranteed a win if they simply turned up and acted like footballers.
So turn up they did, and while St. Mirren is by no means anything but a terrible, terrible team of just unbelievably shit players, they did just enough to win the game. And that 'just enough' was to get one attempt on target.
That's all it takes... one attempt.
All that stood between the net and the ball was Jamie 'Clangers' Langfield.
Another way of saying that is that nothing stood between the ball and the net.
It wasn't even a well hit shot. Wardlaw attempted a volley, but being a St. Mirren player the best he could manage was a sclaffed effort that wouldn't have been out of place on 'Shittest attempt of the season', that hilarious review of bad attempts at goal that I just imagined as a real TV show.
Langfield, made a good show of pretending to get the ball, but it "squirmed under him and into the net"
Well, given how fucking ugly that guy is I can only imagine that's about the only thing that's ever squirmed under him. Still, he's as good a keeper as he is handsome, and it came as a great relief to Dons fans everywhere that he signed on for another year of failure.
And so St. Mirren were saved, and there was much rejoicing on the streets of St. Mirren.
And so Aberdeen was shit, and there was mighty boos from the one guy left in the ground to watch the Dons players slope off to the bar for a well deserved piss up.
Well done lads, you did yourselves justice once more.
Next up, the last game of the season... thankyejeeesus... an away game against another team of terrible footballers, Hibernian... that reincarnation of Pele's Brazil, only shit.
Oh the apathy.
http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport2/hi/football/scot_prem/9480345.stm
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